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Apr. 9th, 2011 01:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
unikorentoShe wasn't there when I opened my eyes and stretched out, and she should've been. She should've breathed in a deep sigh and stretched too, and crawled upwards until my fingers touched her head. She should've flopped to her side and groaned happily, so I could scratch her and we could lie there sleepily until it got too hot or one of us got restless and made the other one get up. It's spring and we should've gone walking outside.
I miss my friend.
I have to do a lot of laundry, and she's on every bit of fabric I own. It's the worst thing about having pets, the goddamned hair. I've had dogs my whole life, and I've always had to shake my clothes off before I wash them. But now it's her I'm shaking off, and I hate it. And I want to tell her "I'm not getting rid of you". You know that, right? I never wanted to be rid of you. I know it hurt to go to the vet. They cut you and prodded you and poked you, and you couldn't know they were trying to help. You were scared, and in pain, and you looked at me and I told you to lie still, and you did, because you trusted me, and I let them hurt you. And I'm sorry. And I miss you.
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Date: 2011-04-09 11:52 am (UTC)Hold on, dear. I hope that the pain will go away at some point.
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Date: 2011-04-09 02:30 pm (UTC)It will, just have to ride it out. Good thing to have a journal at a time like this, I always feel a little better once I've gotten to write some of it down.
I think a part of why it's so hard is that it's so empty here now. In my family we've always, always had more than one dog. It's a little easier to grieve when there are still some routines that stick. Now we've lost all three in the span of 6 months, both of the family dogs before christmas and now Maggie who was just mine. I don't really know what to do with myself; the whole way I conduct my day is different. But it won't be so bad, once I get used to it, I suppose. At some point this is going to ease up, and I'll be able to enjoy the thought of a new puppy.
... and then everyone will have to bear through endless posting about different breeds and training processes :P