unikorento (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unikorento) wrote2011-03-06 09:15 am
unikorento) wrote2011-03-06 09:15 am
Entry tags:
15 days, 5 things, day 15
Now... Is it just me, or does it sometimes feel like the Criminal Minds people are a little... uhm... extra judgmental about the people they hunt?
Judgmental isn't maybe exactly the word I'm looking for, since... well, they're all pretty evil and all. It's just, sometimes you get this feeling like the show needs to stop and turn to you and go "this guy is bad, mkay? really bad!" so that you don't forget. It feels a little silly, or uncomfortable, or something.
Aside from that - look at my pretty layout! Isn't it the prettiest?tinypinkmouse put it up for me. It's very pretty. It has John Winchester.
5 things you need to say
Uhm... this is so not going to be pretty. But since it'll all be directed at people who don't actually know about this journal and won't ever read it, I'll use this chance to get some stuff off my chest. Feel free to ignore. *deep breath*
1. I'm not as angry at you as I was earlier, but I wish I didn't have to see you again.
I feel trapped by you, bullied and pushed and pressured, and I've realized that even if we patch things up, those things are never going to change. You'll always feel disappointed in me, and I'll never be able to let my guard down around you.
It's sad, though. I am going to miss you, because you've helped me along a lot, and there are things I would still like to share with you. But all the good things? They're not worth it, if every 6 months there has to be another blow up like this. I hope you find someone who can be there for you the way you need them to, and you'll forgive me for not being that person.
2. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. You deserve a kinder, more accessible sister, and I promise I'm going to try to be that.
3. It's been half a decade, but the words are still stuck in my throat. You never did anything wrong, it was all me. I destroyed it, with my silence and my cowardice, and I am so sorry. Sometimes I think things would've been different, if I could've just told you what was wrong, but back then I barely understood it myself. I love you for forgiving me, though. I wish I could ignore all the noise in the background and just call you to me.
4. I am so, so tired of feeling so down constantly.
5. I am really, really craving cookies right now :P
Judgmental isn't maybe exactly the word I'm looking for, since... well, they're all pretty evil and all. It's just, sometimes you get this feeling like the show needs to stop and turn to you and go "this guy is bad, mkay? really bad!" so that you don't forget. It feels a little silly, or uncomfortable, or something.
Aside from that - look at my pretty layout! Isn't it the prettiest?
tinypinkmouse put it up for me. It's very pretty. It has John Winchester. 5 things you need to say
Uhm... this is so not going to be pretty. But since it'll all be directed at people who don't actually know about this journal and won't ever read it, I'll use this chance to get some stuff off my chest. Feel free to ignore. *deep breath*
1. I'm not as angry at you as I was earlier, but I wish I didn't have to see you again.
I feel trapped by you, bullied and pushed and pressured, and I've realized that even if we patch things up, those things are never going to change. You'll always feel disappointed in me, and I'll never be able to let my guard down around you.
It's sad, though. I am going to miss you, because you've helped me along a lot, and there are things I would still like to share with you. But all the good things? They're not worth it, if every 6 months there has to be another blow up like this. I hope you find someone who can be there for you the way you need them to, and you'll forgive me for not being that person.
2. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. You deserve a kinder, more accessible sister, and I promise I'm going to try to be that.
3. It's been half a decade, but the words are still stuck in my throat. You never did anything wrong, it was all me. I destroyed it, with my silence and my cowardice, and I am so sorry. Sometimes I think things would've been different, if I could've just told you what was wrong, but back then I barely understood it myself. I love you for forgiving me, though. I wish I could ignore all the noise in the background and just call you to me.
4. I am so, so tired of feeling so down constantly.
5. I am really, really craving cookies right now :P
no subject
If you ever need to talk to someone I'm falena84ATgmailDOTcom on GoogleTalk and falena84AThotmailDOTit. FYI.
Btw, I've really enjoyed this 15 Day meme. I didn't comment every day because I'm a lazy sod, but I feel like it allowed me to get to know you better, so yay.
no subject
There isn't much to really talk about, though. Or at least not any one specific thing. It's one of those cases where I really already know what I should do (i.e go to the psychologist) but... yeah. Very, very bad at taking initiative, and the system is such that you have to demand help and... blah. My apathy is my worst enemy. I already had a string of sessions before the summer where it was established that yes, surprise surprise, I am depressed, and it won't go away by itself.
But the process of spilling my guts to random psychologist and get better sounds so exhausting, so I just... don't do anything about it. Does that make any sense?
Either way, I find journalling to be a pretty helpful tool in terms of sorting ones thoughts out. Memes too, surprisingly :P I'm glad the 15 day thing wasn't just an annoyance on someone's friendspage, so yay!